Red Rover, Red Rover
by an-average-best-friend
Summary: !NEW CHAPTER UP! A friendly game of Red Rover... Please R/R
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Phoebe, Piper, Paige, and Monkey... are people who represent other people. Get that through your head! And... It's written like a script, because I'm tired of writing in paragraphs.  
  
Disclaimer: Who told ya I owned the Harry Potter characters? I never said I did.  
  
Red Rover  
  
Chapter 1 - Let the games begin!  
  
Narrator: It was a quiet Monday morning. Madame Hooch mysteriously disappeared with Neville Longbottom. The Gryffindors and Slytherins were still mounted on their brooms waiting for instructions. Ron suddenly screamed in delight.   
  
Ron: Let's play Red Rover!  
  
Narrator: He pranced around the Slytherins. Harry and Hermione hid their faces from embarassment.   
  
Malfoy: Isn't that some kind of muggle game?   
  
Narrator: Phoebe, Piper, Paige, and Monkey have returned from their quest to use the bathroom. They started to feel embarassed to be in Gryffindor.  
  
Phoebe: What the hell?  
  
Paige: What the heck?  
  
Piper: What the hello jello?  
  
Monkey: What the bloody hell?  
  
Narrator: Malfoy made a shy smile at Phoebe. I can sense something...  
  
Malfoy: Fine... let's play Red Rover.  
  
Slytherins: [gasp in horror]  
  
Blaise: ??? Are you mad? Did you make a house out of bricks??? (inside joke) What the hell is your problem?  
  
Malfoy: Come on, let's give the Weasley boy a chance... you know a chance... let's see what exactly the fuss is all about with this muggle game.  
  
Blaise: This is a childish game... I remember playing it at y—  
  
Malfoy: [covers Blaise's mouth] Whatever... how exactly does this muggle game work?  
  
Narrator: Ron pulled Harry and Hermione and made them hold hands. Malfoy squealed in horror. Would this mean he would have to hold hands with Pansy Parkinson, the evil bitch in his life? Would this mean she will never wash herself because she had just touched Malfoy's hand? Malfoy half fainted in the air.  
  
Malfoy: [half faints and looks slanted (/)]  
  
Ron: How does he do that?  
  
Malfoy: [falls to the ground]  
  
Pansy: Poor Malfie... go on.  
  
Hermione and Harry: [blushing harder than ever]  
  
Ron: Let's say... we call... Pansy. Hermione and Harry say "Red Rover, Red Rover send Pansy right over" and then Pansy would run in between them... if she breaks their arms together, she gets to take a member of their team... if she doesn't, [gulps] she has to join their team. Okay... ready to play?  
  
Gryffindors and Slytherins: Okay  
  
Malfoy: [stands up and holds Crabbe and Goyles hand] [thinks] ... If she does run into my arms... then... she has to hold... NOOOO!!! [moves to the end of the line and still holds Goyle's hand] Ahh.. much better  
  
Goyle: [looks at him in disgust]  
  
Phoebe: [runs around in circles] Wait... I can't find anyone to hold hands with!!  
  
Ron: [grabs her hand and puts her next to Harry]  
  
Monkey: You can definitely tell that was planned...  
  
Paige and Piper: [nod in agreement]  
  
Ron: Who's going to start?  
  
Gryffindors and Slytherins: [stare at each other blankly]  
  
Ron: okay... let's have a race... fastest one to the tree wins.  
  
Paige: Which tree?  
  
Ron: The tree over there!  
  
Paige: Oh...  
  
Piper: Who's going to race?  
  
Ron: Malfoy... and Phoebe  
  
Phoebe: WHY ME?!?!?!  
  
Ron: Because you 2 are the last people to find a person to hold hands with. Oh come on... you get to use your broom.  
  
Phoebe: [screams in horror] Damn you Ron...  
  
Narrator: Malfoy and Phoebe mounted their broomsticks.  
  
Ron: READY? GET SET... hold on... my back's itchy.  
  
Phoebe: Hurry up so I can get this over with!!  
  
Ron: It's itchy...  
  
Harry: I'll say it... Ready? GET SET... G— [coughs] Hold on... I'm choking on my spit!! [stands their coughing]  
  
Narrator: So the race between Malfoy and Phoebe never began. What about their game??? Find out in the next episode of Red Rover...  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: Amazing... why can't Ron and Harry say 'GO'? I want to know!!  
  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are just my toys and I got stuck playing with them... and Monkeys belong to the zoo (JK laura) eep oh no! 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Where did we leave off? I have no idea... but oh well... Anyways...  
  
Disclaimer: OMG!! YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST FOUND OUT?? I DON'T OWN THE HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS! *sarcasm ends*   
  
Chapter 2 - Starting of the Race  
  
Narrator: If you have just joined the program, Ron has decided to play "Red Rover" with his flying class. Phoebe and Malfoy are about to race... Let's watch...  
  
Hermione: Obviously, none of you guys can do this... let's see... READY! GET SET! GO!  
  
Narrator: 2 people on broomsticks flew at their highest speed.  
  
Malfoy: Why am I letting a girl beat me?  
  
Phoebe: Do you normally talk to yourself?  
  
Malfoy: No... okay... I do... just don't tell anyone.  
  
Phoebe: Everyone talks to themselves...  
  
Narrator: I talk to myself too... Sometimes I talk to my feet... good point Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe: Did you hear that?  
  
Malfoy: Hear what?  
  
Phoebe: Someone said they talk to themself... and they talk to their feet... and they said I had a good point...  
  
Malfoy: No  
  
Phoebe: I must be hearing things... HAHAHA I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU.  
  
Malfoy: [speeds to catch up with Phoebe] What did you say?  
  
Phoebe: Never mind... Our names have the same amount of letters in length.  
  
Malfoy: Oh really?  
  
Narrator: Who cares about their point of view... let's see the point of view of the others...  
  
Ron: SHH... they're hearing our point of view!! [acts normal]  
  
Harry: Who's they?  
  
Ron: Them...  
  
Harry: Who's them?  
  
Ron: Someone... who's spying on us...  
  
Narrator: Ahh, I'm not spying on you, I'm telling the story...  
  
Ron: OMG! Did you hear that...   
  
Harry: That's the grass Ron.  
  
Ron: [stares at grass] Anyone in there?  
  
Narrator: Forget about them. Hermione started to make a cheer squad for Phoebe. How special! The team only had 4 people in it. Herself, Paige, Piper, and Monkey. What a jacked up pyramid that would make.  
  
Hermione: 5, 6, 7, 8... make sure you have a stiff arm... you don't want it looking like this [arm mysteriously bends in half]  
  
Paige: I think we should do a little flip right here...[flips and falls] or not.  
  
Monkey: Wait... I know... I can... I can... just watch... [cartwheels and does a round off]  
  
Hermione, Paige, and Piper: WHOA...  
  
Monkey: And we can make our pyramid... and then i come out from behind you... and then we do our cheer...  
  
Hermione, Paige, and Piper: WHOA...  
  
Monkey: 2 people in the front... 2 people in the back... simple as that.  
  
Narrator: After seconds of practicing, Hermione, Paige, Piper, and Monkey get in their triangle formation, and did what they planned. Now let's hear their cheer.  
  
Hermione: C-U-T-E DON'T YOU WISH THAT YOU WERE PHOEBE?  
  
Paige: SHE'S CUTE, YEAH YEAH SHE'S CUTE  
  
Monkey: U-G-L-Y, DRACO'S GOT NO ALIBI  
  
Piper: HE'S UGLY, YEAH YEAH, HE'S UGLY  
  
Hermione: M-A-M-A, WE KNOW HOW HE GOT THAT WAY  
  
Monkey, Piper, Paige, Hermione: HIS MAMA, YEAH YEAH HIS MAMA.  
  
Monkey: [tumbles around]  
  
Hermione: Go, go, go Phoebe!   
  
Monkey, Paige, Piper, and Hermione: [screaming and kicking]  
  
Crabbe: What the hell?  
  
Pansy: Whoa... he said his first word... without hesitation!  
  
Blaise: Anyone can say "What the hell?"  
  
Narrator: "What the hell?"  
  
Slytherins: WHAT THE HELL? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?  
  
Narrator: Looks like one of them is winning... but we'll find out who wins on the next episode of "Red Rover". Stay tuned for an Author's Note.  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: I WANT TO KNOW WHO WINS!! Awww... anyways, that was a very interesting cheer from Phoebe's friends... featuring Hermione... I'll just call them the grass girls... whatever...  
  
Disclaimer: I made a story using JK Rowling's property... I'm sowwie... I'll give them back as soon as I'm done. And I got the cheer from Bring it on... just leave me alone... okay? leave me alone.  
  
Disclaimer 2: No one was hurt during the making of this chapter... including the grass... okay well one grass broke it's arm... and one has Ron's earwax... Grass are plants, okay? I'm sowwie poor grassy... :( 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Wow, Phoebe got a cheer from her friends in the last episode... now episode 3... and they're ready to fight! Let's see what happens. But first...   
  
Disclaimer: According to the news, JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter characters. :) Go JK!  
  
A/N: And I know that the chapters are short... so I'll try to make them longer. :) Now let's watch...  
  
Chapter 3 - The Missed Adventures of Ronald Weasley  
  
Narrator: The members of Gryffindor and Slytherin ran to the end to find out who won. Problem is, they tied... but a weird piece of hair appeared at the end of Malfoy's broom... making him win. So he literally won by a hair... how sad.  
  
Phoebe: See... see... WE LOST!  
  
Ron: You were only racing to see who would go first. Because if we flipped a coin... Malfoy would get pissed off for using the muggle way of choosing things.  
  
Hermione: Actually, they say "eenie meenie minie moe" my mum and dad do that alot.  
  
Harry: ???  
  
Malfoy: [looks angry... and then returns to normal spot...] la la la [waits for others to go to their spots] WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?  
  
Narrator: he said furiously.  
  
Phoebe: [digs in her pocket for a knut, sickle, or galleon.] AHH A GALLEON! Okay... heads or tails...  
  
Malfoy: What?  
  
Phoebe: Heads [flips coin to the front of the coin] or Tails [flips coin to the back of the coin]  
  
Malfoy: Why can't we just flip Ron instead for making us do all these things just to see who'll go first?  
  
Phoebe: Yeah... [looks at Ron] Wingardium Leviosa! [lifts Ron into air] So heads or tails?  
  
Ron: PUT ME DOWN!! ooh a butterfly! PUT ME DOWN!!  
  
Dumbledore: [puts out lawnchair in front of group of kids and starts to eat popcorn]   
  
Malfoy: Tails [sniggers] oh yeah.. tails...  
  
Professors: [put out lawnchairs right next to Dumbledore] [Snape takes popcorn away from Dumbledore]  
  
Dumbledore: HEY!  
  
Snape: [chews on popcorn]  
  
Narrator: After enjoyment of popcorn, Snape finally gives back the popcorn to Dumbledore. Just then the rest of the Hogwarts school... as in the other students sit down around the group of kids who are playing Red Rover. Aww... how cute.  
  
Phoebe: Ready? [raises wand a little higher]  
  
Malfoy: I'm ready [raises wand a little higher]  
  
Dumbledore: NOW!  
  
Phoebe and Malfoy: [twirl wands and raise him down... QUICKLY]  
  
Ron: [lands face flat on the ground]  
  
Phoebe: HEY IT'S TAILS!! YOU WIN!! [hugs Malfoy] Umm...  
  
Malfoy: Um... okay... so... now that he's knocked out... do we have to wait... I really wasn't paying attention to what he was saying...  
  
Phoebe: Neither was I... so... how are we going to start...   
  
Malfoy: When he wakes up...  
  
Phoebe: Right... [stares at Ron] wow... I think it's effect of the fall...  
  
Malfoy: I think it's the effect of seeing the butterfly...  
  
Phoebe: He saw a butterfly?  
  
Malfoy: Yeah... he even said so...  
  
Phoebe: I didn't hear him say that... oh well... You don't think he's afraid of butterflies?  
  
Malfoy: I think he is...  
  
Harry: He is afraid of butterflies... he started a rumour about himself saying he was afraid of spiders... how odd.  
  
Malfoy: I heard that rumour... and then somehow Hagrid made you follow them... and then you saw Aragoc... Aragog... something like that.  
  
Harry: Aragog.  
  
Malfoy: I said that.  
  
Harry: How did you know?  
  
Malfoy: He started a rumour saying he talked to a big spider named Aragog.  
  
Harry: It's real... not a rumour.  
  
Monkey: You don't think he's talking to the grass... he said the grass was spying on us in episode 2.  
  
Harry: We have episodes?  
  
Monkey: Yep.  
  
Narrator: So they stare at lil red Ronnie for a while... but let's see what's going on in Ron's head.  
  
Ron: Bloody Hell... where am I?  
  
Muggle: In bloody hell.  
  
Ron: No really...  
  
Muggle: IN BLOODY HELL! You're in the Bloody Hell Hotel.  
  
Ron: What kind of name is that?  
  
Muggle: It's a hotel name that rhymes... Hell rhymes with Hotel.  
  
Ron: No it doesn't.  
  
Muggle: The last syllable does.  
  
Ron: Hell... tel... hell... tel... I see it now... okay... so why am I here?  
  
Muggle: Because you made reservations last night.  
  
Ron: I did? When?  
  
Muggle: Because you made reservations, LAST NIGHT  
  
Ron: Oh... I'm sorry... I don't recall making reservations.  
  
Muggle: Sure you did. You dreamed of us last night.  
  
Ron: What do you mean us? [gulp]  
  
Muggle: Us.  
  
Narrator: All of a sudden munchkins dressed in red start running around Ron.  
  
Munchkins: We want you Ron. We want you Ron... We want you...  
  
Butterfly: [squeaky voice] Yeah Ron... come on, you know you want us! [turns into a munchkin]  
  
Ron: You want [gulp] me?  
  
Muggle: Yesssssssss... sexy...  
  
Ron: Okay!  
  
Narrator: Uhh... we better get out of Ronald's head... well let's see what happening with the other people.  
  
Dumbledore: YOU ATE ALL MY POPCORN!! [hyperventilating]  
  
Snape: Ssssooo... [throws popcorn at Dumbledore]  
  
Ginny: POPCORN FIGHT!!  
  
Narrator: Wow... popcorn fight in the audience...  
  
Piper: Do you think he's okay?  
  
Harry: Believe me, he's always like this... he does this every night...  
  
Hermione: Everyone does this every night, Harry. It's called sleeping.  
  
Malfoy: But we knocked him out.  
  
Blaise: Look all you have to do is walk on top of him... [starts walking on Ron]  
  
Narrator: I hear something going on in Ron's world...  
  
Ron: Ahhh.. what's that?  
  
Bloody Hell Hotel: [thump] [thump] [thump] [muffled noises] see he'll wake up any minute... [thump] [thump] [thump]  
  
Muggle: They've found us master...  
  
Head Munchkin: Oh really...   
  
Ron: Why do I hear thumping?  
  
Muggle: Ronquake... Ronquake...  
  
Ron: Cool... I have my own quake...  
  
Muggle: Should we send him back master?  
  
Head Munchkin: Hold on... let Ronald do that dance again.  
  
Ron: [does the chicken dance]  
  
Head Munchkin: Boy, you look soo sexy when you do that...  
  
Ron: Right...  
  
Narrator: I really don't want to know... I really don't want to know... [makes sick face]  
  
Harry: Are you all right?   
  
Ron: [pokes his tummy] I'M ALIVE!! Thank goodness Blaise started a Ronquake in the Bloody Hell Hotel... gosh I would have to do this chicken dance... thank you! Thank you! [kisses Blaise]  
  
Blaise: Oh my... you did not just do that... Oh my... [kisses Ron passionately]  
  
Narrator: Anyways...  
  
Ron: So... lets start...  
  
Munchkins: [magically appear in audience]  
  
Ron: Oh... no...  
  
Slytherins: Red Rover, Red Rover, send...  
  
Narrator: And sadly, we have to end right here...   
  
~*~  
  
A/N: Who are they going to choose???? We'll find out in the next episode.  
  
Disclaimer: Oww... I stepped on my toe... and the munchkins never got hurt... Ron landed on a pad... and I still don't own any of the HP characters.  
  
Narrator: Right...  
  
A/N: [tapes Narrator's mouth] 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm gonna keep this short, because I want to know who they're gonna send right over...  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter characters.  
  
Chapter 4 - Bickering Bickering Bickering (i kno u 3 it Sarah)  
  
Slytherins: Send Pansy right over.  
  
Ron: Pansy's a Slytherin.  
  
Malfoy: So... how did she end up on your side...  
  
Ron: Well, if you and Phoebe weren't bickering, she would be on your side.  
  
Harry: ???  
  
Ron: Whatever... get over there Pansy.  
  
Pansy: [runs between Draco's and Goyle's hand]  
  
Malfoy: OWWW... WTF... why did you do that?  
  
Pansy: So I can make you feel better... [smiles and winks and grabs Draco's hand]  
  
Malfoy: Okay... so lets really start...  
  
Narrator: [peels off tape from mouth] Malfoy has a big bruise on his arm... how sad... evil Pansy.  
  
Malfoy: Someone agrees with me... just send Phoebe  
  
Phoebe: [Runs into Malfoy and Goyle's hand]   
  
Narrator: let's see that again in slow motion.  
  
Phoebe: [Runs...into... Malfoy... and Goyle's... haaannndddssss.... slo...w...ly]  
  
Malfoy: [slowly] NoOoOoO...  
  
Audience: Y...ay!... BooOoOo... GoOooo Phooeeebeee! I looooveee yooouu..., Draaacooo Maalfooy! Seeexxxyy Rroonaald! !tseab yxeS  
  
Narrator: mmkay? Anyways... let's see if she breaks the chain...  
  
Phoebe: [breaks chain]  
  
Audience: [cheers] RON, YOU'RE SEXY! [throws popcorn at Ron]  
  
Ron: Oww...  
  
Narrator: Now the hardest decision... choosing the person to join her team... be quiet...  
  
Audience: [yelling] DRACO! BLAISE! CRABBE! GOYLE! PANSY! THE DUDE WITH THE HAT!  
  
Narrator: I SAID QUIET!!  
  
Audience: [awkward silence]  
  
Phoebe: [takes Draco's hand and walks with him to the Gryffindors]  
  
Audience: [cheers]  
  
Malfoy: [smiles]  
  
Audience: [swoons]  
  
Harry: Whatever... Ron, did you notice that our teams are not equal...  
  
Ron: No... Really...  
  
Harry: Be fair...  
  
Ron: Harry, we have to win... be smart for once... Fine, just send Hermione and Piper, and we'll be fine...  
  
Harry: Why do I have to send them?  
  
Ron: Fine I'll send them. Hermione... Piper... go to the Slytherin side.  
  
Harry: Thank you.  
  
Ron: No problem.  
  
Gryffindors: Red Rover, Red Rover send Piper right over.  
  
Pansy: You just sent her here!  
  
Ron: So, bring her back.  
  
Pansy: No... get Hermione... we don't need her.  
  
Ron: No, we want Piper... now let her go here.  
  
Pansy: No  
  
Ron: Yes  
  
Pansy: No  
  
Ron: Find send Blaise over... it's not like we need Piper anyways...  
  
Piper: [walks to Ron and slaps him]  
  
Head Munchkin: You lost your sexiness Ron. Munchkins... attack!  
  
Munchkins: [throw popcorn at Ron]  
  
Ron: Owww... Blaise... get over here... NOW  
  
Blaise: Why would I, it's not like you need me....  
  
Ron: We do need you... you got me out of Bloody Hell Hotel... we need you Blaise  
  
Blaise: Whatever Ron  
  
Head Munchkin: ATTACK!  
  
Munchkins: [throw popcorn at Blaise]  
  
Professor Snape: [throws popcorn at Ron]  
  
Blaise: Fine, I'll go there [runs into Harry]  
  
Audience: OW  
  
Narrator: That's got to hurt   
  
Head Munchkin: You killed sexy Ron's sexy friend. ATTACK!  
  
Munchkins: [throw popcorn at Blaise and Slytherin team]  
  
Audience: YAY!  
  
Narrator: In Harry's head...  
  
Harry: Where am I?  
  
Someone: Over here... sexy. I'm your sexy conscience.  
  
Harry: Who are you?  
  
Someone: I'm your sexy conscience... just call me Sexy Beast.  
  
Harry: Sexy Beast, do you know where I am?  
  
Sexy Beast: Aww... thank you... that was very nice... you're in my home. Supposedly, some girl ran into you and you blacked out.  
  
Harry: Whoa... I have a Sexy Beast... Ron has a Bloody Hell Hotel... whoa...  
  
Sexy Beast: Interesting, eh?  
  
Harry: Of course it is.  
  
Sexy Beast: Say, step into the light... I want to see my master.  
  
Harry: [steps into the light and sees a sexier version of himself] Is that me?  
  
Sexy Beast: It's a sexier you. [winks]  
  
Harry: Wow... strawberry smoothies... muggle toys! SNUFFLES!  
  
Sexy Beast: Snuffles?  
  
Harry: Snuffles is my stuffed aminal... [hugs Snuffles]  
  
Sexy Beast: That's not sexy... how long has it been since you've washed him?  
  
Harry: Don't know...he's sexier than you... [hugs Snuffles]  
  
Snuffles: What did you say? [cries] I'm sexy... how rude.  
  
Harry: MOANING MYRTLE?!?!  
  
Sexy Beast: I told you it wasn't sexy.  
  
Myrtle: I'm sorry Harry [cries] but... it's just... you were soo cute...  
  
Harry: I'm alive!!  
  
Sexy Beast: You also have a sexy mind. [winks]  
  
Narrator: I don't want to know... well... You saw Malfoy smiling... didn't you... let's see what he's thinking of.  
  
Malfoy: I hope she doesn't know yet...  
  
Phoebe: I do know...  
  
Malfoy: Where did you come from?  
  
Phoebe: oops wrong person  
  
Malfoy: Stay here with me  
  
Phoebe: Fine I will. Hello... Draco  
  
Malfoy: Hello Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe: So... now we're waiting for Harry to wake up... I can't believe Blaise runs with her eyes closed.  
  
Malfoy: Neither can I... say, do you want to go to The Three Broomsticks on our Hogsmeade trip...  
  
Phoebe: I'm not sure... I'll talk to you about it later... in potions.  
  
Malfoy: Right... [makes mental note] Harry's still asleep...  
  
Phoebe: Yep.  
  
Malfoy: Sorry about the whole bickering thing... do you want to be my friend?  
  
Phoebe: ??? Okay...  
  
Malfoy: Thanks... Now I feel weird being friends with a Gryffindor.  
  
Phoebe: I feel weird being friends with a Slytherin.   
  
Narrator: Phoebe gets Malfoy? Yeah right... Back to Harry.  
  
Harry: I'm a sexy beast... sexy beast!  
  
Sexy Beast: Say it loud and proud!  
  
Harry: I'm a sexy beast! I'm a SEXY BEAST!  
  
Myrtle: I better leave... here, you can have Snuffles back [throws Snuffles at Harry]  
  
Harry: IT WORKED!  
  
Sexy Beast: I knew it would! Because you're a what...  
  
Harry: SEXY BEAST! WOOT!  
  
Sexy Beast: Actually, I am. Now get out.  
  
Narrator: Harry awakens.  
  
Harry: I'm a sexy beast... sexy beast... I'm a sexy beast... sexy beast.  
  
Phoebe: Okay...?  
  
Ron: I thought I was sexy...   
  
Head Munchkin: Attack Sexy Ron's friend. He think he sexy. He has ugly scar on forehead.  
  
Harry: It's a sexy scar, because I'm a sexy beast... sexy beast.  
  
Dumbledore: Do you realise that... Harry thinks he's sexy.  
  
Snape: Yeah... [throws popcorn at Harry]  
  
Harry: I'm a sexy beast, sexy beast. I'm a sexy beast, sexy beast.  
  
Narrator: Whatever Harry.   
  
Ron: Well Blaise didn't go through, so she's on our team.  
  
Hermione: What, that's not fair! She ran into Harry.  
  
Ron: Well if she opened up her eyes, she wouldn't run into him... so she's in our team, because she didn't go through Harry.  
  
Harry: Harry, the sexy beast.  
  
Narrator: Harry corrected.  
  
Ron: Harry, the sexy beast?  
  
Harry: Yes, that's what I want to be known as.  
  
Narrator: Yes, Harry you sexy beast.  
  
Gryffindors: Red Rover, Red Rover, send [coughs all of a sudden]  
  
Narrator: Whatever...  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: and so ends this chapter... much longer... I guess... it's a chapter at least... hope u liked!  
  
Disclaimer: For the last time, I'm not JK Rowling! 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I FEEL STOOPID... I lost my disc... the one that held this fan fic... so meeh sorry. I'm back from my weird vacation... away from this fan fic. So I'll try to write more. I promise... and please R/R I might be moving this story to a different username... Please be aware of that. (and I have the habit of using ... a little too much)  
  
Disclaimer: I will never own the HP characters... but I will own Draco soon... ::smiles evilly:: JK  
  
Chapter 5 - The Guacamole Virus  
  
Narrator: And so ends our game of Red Rover.  
  
Audience: [crying]  
  
Sexy Beast: What happened?  
  
Narrator: The Gryffindors have catched a disease...  
  
DUN DUN DUN  
  
Snape: [throws popcorn at Narrator] Continue...  
  
Narrator: [silently] the... [loudly] GUACAMOLE VIRUS  
  
Audience: [gasping]  
  
Dude with the Hat: What the hell is that?  
  
Narrator: It's when... they cough at the same time... from eating too much... and running into each others arms... very contagious.  
  
Snape: [throws popcorn at Narrator] That's what the game of Red Rover is all about... running into each other arms... and then... falling in l-  
  
Audience: [looking strangely at Professor Snape]  
  
Narrator: Anyways, the students have returned to the school... never finishing their game of Red Rover. We join the group of Slytherins. The group of Slytherins that rarely get mentioned...  
  
Malfoy: Damn Saint Potter... ruined our game  
  
Pansy: Only because you had a chance... witht that... that girl  
  
Malfoy: I have a chance with anyone...  
  
Narrator: The sexy beast magically appears...  
  
Sexy Beast: oh... because you're sooo sexy. Try Lucky Charms... they're magically contagious!  
  
Pansy: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Narrator: And we go on to the Gryffindor Common Room...  
  
Phoebe: Why is my name Phoebe? What's up with that?  
  
Gryffindors: [looking at her mysteriously]  
  
Phoebe: For now on, my name will be Chrysanthenum. or...Chryssie... for short.  
  
Paige: Hello Chryssie.  
  
Chryssie: Hello... your in need of a name change too... hmm... lets see...Colleen. That's better... and Piper... your name can be... [cough]  
  
Piper: What do you mean by [cough]?  
  
Chryssie: [cough] Camille.... there you go. Camille. Fits you perfectly...  
  
Camille: What do you mean?  
  
Narrator: And so... Phoebe, Paige, and Piper have changed their names. Very crazy, if you ask me.  
  
Colleen: That's right... what about Monkey?  
  
Monkey: I prefer my name to be LADY Monkey. [smiles evilly] BUAHAHAHA  
  
Narrator: Some kind of oddness... Now lets go into the teachers lounge...  
  
Snape: Damn Guacamole Virus... is there any cure?  
  
Dumbledore: I believe... there is not.  
  
McGonagall: Send the Gryffindor Students to the Hospital Wing. They'll be much better.  
  
Dumbledore: Why did I think of that?  
  
Narrator: And so all the Gryffindor students are sent to the Hospital Wing. The Slytherin students are situated on the couch.  
  
Malfoy: I have to admit that I like... Phoebe.  
  
!Narrator!Chryssie: IT'S CHRYSANTHENUM! CHRYSSIE, FOR SHORT!  
  
Malfoy: Where did that come from?  
  
!Narrator!Chryssie: [cough] Me, Chryssie... now pronounce my name right... OR ELSE  
  
Malfoy: Or else what?  
  
!Narrator!Chryssie: Or else... you'll get the Guacamole Virus... MENTALLY  
  
Malfoy: Yeah right...  
  
!Narrator!Chryssie: [cough] Have... fun! [disappears]  
  
Narrator: Draco Malfoy had caught the virus. The virus from the one he loves... the virus... that he caught from Phoebe  
  
!Narrator!Chryssie: CHRYSSIE! CHRYSSIE! Do you want to lose your job?  
  
Narrator: No...  
  
!Narrator!Chryssie: Then say my name right! [disappears]  
  
Narrator: And... Draco Malfoy gets sent to the hospital wing.  
  
Malfoy: Great... my bed's right next to Saint Potter.  
  
Narrator: Then... something/someone has entered the room...  
  
Chryssie: The light! The light! (A/N juss gimme the light... eep back 2 story) [hides under blanket]  
  
Stranger: Draco Malfoy... Draco Malfoy...  
  
Malfoy: Who are you? What are you? How do you know me? Why are you here? Where am I? When is this going to end?  
  
Stranger: [reveals himself] I am [evilly said] VOLDERMORT! [runs around the room]  
  
Malfoy: Oh Merlin... shut the hell up.  
  
Voldemort: I know a cure for this disease...  
  
Gryffindors and Malfoy: YOU DO?  
  
Voldemort: Harry has to give me his scar... his sexy little scar.  
  
Harry: MY... my scar?  
  
Voldemort: Yes that sexy little thing... GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME!  
  
Harry: [peels of scar from his head]  
  
Ron: That thing is fake???  
  
Harry: Of course it is... why would I want to have a scar on my head.  
  
Scar: DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME!  
  
Harry: [hands scar to Voldemort]  
  
Voldemort: [sticks scar to head and runs away]  
  
Narrator: They don't look cured... They don't look cured at all...  
  
Pomfrey: Gasp... they're not sick... they have some kind of sickness....   
  
Dumbledore: What is it?  
  
~*~  
  
A/N I'm sorry... but it's almost time for me to go to school... So please Review... so I can read the reviews later.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own HP and guacamole  
  
A/N: And it's called the Guacamole virus, because guacamole is such a funny word. 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Meeh reallies had tah go to school... so sorry about the Wannabe cliffie! :) And the whole DUN DUN DUN thing... is a habit... an EVIL habit that meeh cousins do... that I picked up on... but I stopped it all of a sudden... sooo I go on.  
  
Disclaimer: This is the last disclaimer you'll hear from me... I DO NOT OWN THE HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS DOT DOT DOT AND I NEVER WILL PERIOD :) just to get that through your head!  
  
Chapter 6 - Voldemort's Secret Lair  
  
Dumbledore: What do they have?  
  
Pomfrey: Pumpernickle (A/N ish a bread...funny name if you ask meeh) Pus (I was thinking of an alliteration @tm...)  
  
Gryffindors: EWWW  
  
Malfoy: Gross... how did we get that?  
  
Pomfrey: [stares at Harry] the scar on Harry's head is missing... you need it... to become normal  
  
Gryffindors & Malfoy: [glare at Harry]  
  
Malfoy: Damn you, Saint Potter, Damn you.  
  
Chryssie: Well, unpumpernize... ahhh I feel much better. [skips around room]  
  
Harry: get my scar...  
  
Narrator: Chryssie suddenly blacks out... and she too has a conscience... a conscience like no other.  
  
Chryssie: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?  
  
Dinosaur: Why it's Barney the big purple dinosaur.  
  
Chryssie: Where the hell am I?  
  
Barney: Ah... land of imagination... tell me where to go, and I'll take you there.  
  
Chryssie: [thinks] Um... muggle world... wait... no... AHA! There's this one muggle show... Martha Stewart (A/N sorry you martha stewart fans... eeep bettah shut up) I've been dying to go to her studio! Take me there!  
  
Barney: [laughs] Okay... [waves hand]  
  
Narrator: Ah... look at sexy Draco.  
  
!Narrator!Harry: I'm the sexy beast here!  
  
Narrator: I said SEXY Draco... not SEXY BEAST Draco.  
  
!Narrator!Harry: Get a life, [mumbles] stupid narrator  
  
Malfoy: Phoebe, are you okay?  
  
!Angry!Narrator!Chryssie: IT'S CHRYSSIE! CHRYSSIE!  
  
Hermione: Draco's finally learned to love.  
  
Camille: Ahh hell, don't give away the ending.  
  
Lady Monkey: Ahh hell, don't tell them that's the ending... geez  
  
Colleen: And yet... I'm all alone  
  
Malfoy: CHRYSSIE, are you okay?  
  
Narrator: Why, yes she is... but I'm not okay... you sexy boy, you.  
  
Malfoy: What the hell?  
  
Narrator: Come on, you know you want me!  
  
!Narrator!Harry: Damn it, I'm the sexy beast!  
  
Narrator: Shut up, and go to hell... I'm the Narrator... this is MY job. Now you go act like a boy who lost his scar.  
  
!Narrator!Harry: Geez...  
  
Narrator: Now move along you. [pushes Harry] Boy, you fine tooo! So are you Sexy Draco... ah... where were we? Ah... Ph- Chryssie is now in Martha Stewart's studio.   
  
Chryssie: Whoa... [touches floor] IT'S REAL!! SHE REALLY IS ALIVE! [taps person on shoulder] Excuse me, do you know where Martha Stewart is?  
  
Person: [turns around] I am Martha. Who are you?  
  
Chryssie: Why, I am... Chryssie. I'm one of your wizard fans.  
  
Martha: Why... that's very nice... [makes a weird look] You know what...  
  
Chryssie: What?  
  
Martha: I'm not Martha... [unzips self] I am... LORD VOLDEMORT. Bow down to me.  
  
Chryssie: Why should I?  
  
Voldy: Because I said so... now do that... or I will never give Harry's scar back.  
  
Chryssie: When I bow down... or curtsy, whatever, you'll kill me... with... with that... wand disguised as a brush! I've seen it all before... you can't do it to me... WHY?  
  
Voldy: [mumbles]  
  
Chryssie: BECAUSE I AM SUPER PHOEBE!  
  
Narrator: CHRYSSIE!  
  
Chryssie: My name is Chryssie, but I'm super Phoebe! Get that through your head.  
  
Voldy: You're confusing...  
  
Super Phoebe: Hold on... let me adjust my name...  
  
SuPaH PhEeBeE: Ah... better...  
  
Voldy: What the hell?  
  
SuPaH PhEeBeE: You're just jealous 'cause your name is all boring... lord Voldemort... what knd of name is that?  
  
Voldy: I'll give you the scar back!! I'll give you the scar back!!! Just... change my name...  
  
SuPaH PhEeBeE: A'ight... let's see... hm... Ah... [adjusts Voldy's name]  
  
BaLDiEmOrRt: Wow... I feel amazed  
  
SuPaH PhEeBeE: I like your name... das how you pronounce it right? Ball-dee-morr-t  
  
BaLDiEmOrRt: No, but I like... I like... [looks at new name] I'm amazed... [hands scar]   
  
Narrator: And then Chryssie wakes up and is now back to being Chryssie... not SuPaH PhEeBeE.  
  
Malfoy: I.. I... l-  
  
Lady Monkey: Wait 'til the end Draco.  
  
Camille: Look who's telling the ending now...  
  
Lady Monkey: I'm not... geez... I'm just telling him to wait 'til later...   
  
Chryssie: [scar magically appears on her head]  
  
Malfoy: What the-  
  
Harry: THAT'S MY SCAR! GIVE IT TO ME! [pulls off scar from Chryssie's head and sticks it on his own]  
  
Ron: We don't look better...  
  
Pomfrey: What's wrong...  
  
Malfoy: TRUE LOVE'S FIRST KISS! THAT'S THE CURE! [kisses Chryssie]  
  
Gryffindors & Pomfrey: [watch]  
  
Narrator: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Hold on...  
  
Chryssie 2: Hey Draco...  
  
A/N: I have taken the place of the Narrator... so I'm an author and a narrator! How cool is that? Because I have ended this chapter... I shall end this episode... stay tuned for the next episode...  
  
A/N: No scar was hurt during the making of this episode... 


	7. IMPORTANT

A/N: I've moved the story to a different pen name (troubled pixie). Go review for the new chapter if you want to... because there is a new chapter! You can read my other story "False Emotions" too, if you want to, and review for that if you want. Thank you!  
  
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1236907  
  
A/N: And I'll be updating the story from there for now on... okay? OKAY! 


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